Fear and the Future
By: Amanda Holstien
The future is uncertain. We can try and predict what's ahead, but change inevitably comes.
I’m sitting outside a cabin, looking at the stars, thinking about what has brought me here, and what is ahead. My boyfriend and I just broke up, and while on tour in Texas, I decided I would buy a car and go on the road. For a long time, I’ve known I wanted to buy a car and go on the road to sell my art and do comedy. I wasn’t sure how seriously to take those thoughts until it hit me a few days ago, while floating along the river in New Braunfels: what if I actually buy a car and actually go on the road? What if I actually do the things I dream about?
So many times I said to my therapist, “I just want to buy a car and go on the road,” but never really took those dreams that seriously. There are so many unknowns when you make a big decision like letting go of a relationship, buying a car, and selling most of your shit to live the life you’re passionate about. I could name so many reasons to doubt, “What if this?” “What about that?” but those doubts are not necessary truths about the world. Doubts are rooted in fear of the unknown. Doubts are rooted in fear. While fear is good for protecting us from harm, fear is also limiting; fear can also keep us from trying new things and ultimately, growth.
Often times, we take our doubts so seriously, but why should our doubts carry more weight than our hopes? “What if something goes wrong?” Well, what if something goes right? Inevitably, things will go right, and things will go wrong along the way, but one of the primary philosophies behind the way I live my life is, “What would I look back on my life and wish I had done?” I want to live my life to the fullest. I want to grow. I want to meet my potential. I want, when faced with fear, doubts, uncertainty, I have the courage to push beyond them and live life, not based on fear, but on my own terms. I accept that the future is uncertain and change is inevitable, and I persist regardless.